I began, and continue this blog as a means for my son and others with similar social communications problems to better understand some of the nuances of life in a social context.
The “why” of creating the goal is much more difficult to put in a public forum. This little blog is not only open to my son for reading, but I want him to read it; I want him to learn all the little things that are second nature to everyone else; I want him to know that he is smart and strong and loved and that there is no doubt in my mind that he will be happy and successful in life. Knowing he might (will?!) read this, how open and honest can I be in revealing my fears?
I fear, for example, that he will continue to struggle to make friends and cultivate relationships with peers, that he might not understand the unspoken guidelines regarding how to get and hold a job upon graduation from college, that this learning difference will hinder him from a having a fulfilling life.
I have written here about the email threads I receive through my membership in AANE, a local non-profit organization dedicated to providing resources for children and adults with Asperger’s syndrome or similar disabilities. Some I read and breathe a sigh of relief that my son does not have those particular problems, but many – especially those that touch on peer interaction – touch my heart as I see him struggling in a similar plight. Following are short edited excerpts from parents and AS/NLD young adults to illustrate these struggles.
Question: Just wondering if anyone's son has found a long term girlfriend?
Discouraging Responses:
My son… has not had a girlfriend. Not even a date. We tried E-Harmony but it didn’t work out so after the 3 months I discontinued. He is really depressed about not having a girlfriend.
My son is 20, and to date he has never had even a short-term girlfriend, to my knowledge.
… kind of depressing not having a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.
[I worry that] life is passing by.… it is especially frustrating because there is so much [to] enjoy…. afraid of becoming the weird middle-aged guy who lives alone and everyone avoids.
And Encouraging Responses:
Even my NT son is finding the same problem out there in the dating world. He's 6'3", blond, slim - doesn't smoke, doesn't drink and has many interests….He's such a nice guy and so nice looking.
Even "typical" people have trouble finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. I have lovely friends who didn't meet their "true love" until later in life
Our kids…need to build up their self confidence and competence in life. When they feel good about themselves, it will show and they will become more attractive to the opposite sex. We know it's a journey and probably a longer process for our kids. Self confidence is a big issue [as is] willingness to get out there and try something new. …encourage our kids to find things they like (or are willing) to do that involve other people. It doesn't matter if there's an attractive potential mate that the activity. Getting to know people can bring about introductions, and also build self confidence.
…have a friend who is about 55 of 56 who is NT and is just getting married for the first time this July. He is a very nice person, funny, loyal, good job, just an all around nice person but it took this long till he found "miss right" so I use that as my guide for my son when the right one comes it will happen.
On College and Peer Relationships:
He is desperate for social interaction…his train of thought is that his roommate at school would be his best friend...
…thinking of closing his Facebook account because ”what’s the point? No one ever writes on my wall or asks me to be friends.”
[The] opportunity for down time [living at] at home has been a really important contributing factor to [my] confidence and success at college.
[I’m] looking forward to finishing [community college]… so [I] can transfer to a live-in school. …loved college.
If you are reading this and you are neuro-typical, and your children are NT, I hope these short sentiments give you an idea of life on the other side of typical. This is why I write. My son told me fairly recently that there were times during high school that he felt “alone.” Given that he mentioned this while sharing that some of the fellows he had met in a group setting had been pretty horribly bullied, I am glad he did not go through that ordeal. But how much better is it to be ignored?
This summer my son has been out until relatively late several times and I am rejoicing. He has always hit developmental milestones at his own pace, and I hope that this is just another such instance.
Showing posts with label social communications disorders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social communications disorders. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
One and Four
At least I think that was the final result – one win and four losses. My son drove down with other members of the team, and my husband met him at the field, watched some of the tournament games and they came home together on Saturday night.
My husband confirms that the biggest problem the team seems to have is a lack of organization: players were running onto the field, substituting themselves; if a player needed a break, anyone on the sideline would just run in. You snooze, you lose and all that!
But my son got some playing time in and it was a beautiful, though warm, day. Their team won one game and played hard against the other teams. You couldn’t ask for much more (well, you could ask…but you probably wouldn’t get it!).
My husband confirms that the biggest problem the team seems to have is a lack of organization: players were running onto the field, substituting themselves; if a player needed a break, anyone on the sideline would just run in. You snooze, you lose and all that!
But my son got some playing time in and it was a beautiful, though warm, day. Their team won one game and played hard against the other teams. You couldn’t ask for much more (well, you could ask…but you probably wouldn’t get it!).
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Too Much Information
When I was in undergraduate school, I really did not take school seriously – especially in my freshman year. In fact, I took it for granted that this post-secondary education was somehow owed to me; but that’s another story…
So if I slept through a class, or skipped a class for whatever reason, my parents never knew about it. One reason that I never shared that piece of information was because I would have felt terribly guilty and it was easier (on me) to live by the “lie of omission.”
Not so, with my son. Last night he called and innocently mentioned that he had a really hard time getting to sleep on Monday night. When he finally drifted off (I think he said it was close to five AM), he slept right through his morning class. He was quick to add that it was no big deal, because he had already spoken to someone from the class and he had not missed any new assignments.
But wasn’t there a paper due for that class? Did you email it to the professor? Apologize for not being there to hand it in? “No, but I’m going to do that.”
If I had not suggested that, would he have waited to hand in the paper – which had actually been completed by the deadline – during tomorrow’s class?
More importantly, would it have made any difference? With his penchant for honesty, he chose to mention that he had missed a class. Did that give me the go-ahead to mention what I believed his next responsibility was? If the paper had been handed in at the next class, he might have lost credit because it was late -- but I have no doubt that I handed in my share of late college assignments.
Was I offering him some needed coaching? Or was I helicopter-parenting?
So if I slept through a class, or skipped a class for whatever reason, my parents never knew about it. One reason that I never shared that piece of information was because I would have felt terribly guilty and it was easier (on me) to live by the “lie of omission.”
Not so, with my son. Last night he called and innocently mentioned that he had a really hard time getting to sleep on Monday night. When he finally drifted off (I think he said it was close to five AM), he slept right through his morning class. He was quick to add that it was no big deal, because he had already spoken to someone from the class and he had not missed any new assignments.
But wasn’t there a paper due for that class? Did you email it to the professor? Apologize for not being there to hand it in? “No, but I’m going to do that.”
If I had not suggested that, would he have waited to hand in the paper – which had actually been completed by the deadline – during tomorrow’s class?
More importantly, would it have made any difference? With his penchant for honesty, he chose to mention that he had missed a class. Did that give me the go-ahead to mention what I believed his next responsibility was? If the paper had been handed in at the next class, he might have lost credit because it was late -- but I have no doubt that I handed in my share of late college assignments.
Was I offering him some needed coaching? Or was I helicopter-parenting?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Powering Through
As his first year of college winds down, my son is dealing well with the amount of work to be done prior to the beginning of final exams. Everything was coming due this week. When he talked about the pressure he was feeling as we were walking last Sunday, I suggested making a list – either in his head or on paper – of what had to be done and when it was due. He could then mentally or with pen in hand tick off each task as it was accomplished.
The list started off on Sunday afternoon with a couple of lab reports, a nutrition report, a health project and an English paper; that’s what I can remember anyway. He also wanted to make sure he dropped off his signed accommodation letter in the Office for Students with Disabilities.
As of this moment and to the best of my knowledge, the only item not quite completed is the English paper.
In his freshman year in high school, one of the teachers in the Learning Center told my son that he should not let his “ADHD” get in the way of success. As I pointed out to my son at the time, and as you can guess by the amount of work he can accomplish whenever he puts his mind to it (which is always), attention deficit is NOT part of his learning issues. Very few adolescents can focus and multi-task the way my son can!
The list started off on Sunday afternoon with a couple of lab reports, a nutrition report, a health project and an English paper; that’s what I can remember anyway. He also wanted to make sure he dropped off his signed accommodation letter in the Office for Students with Disabilities.
As of this moment and to the best of my knowledge, the only item not quite completed is the English paper.
In his freshman year in high school, one of the teachers in the Learning Center told my son that he should not let his “ADHD” get in the way of success. As I pointed out to my son at the time, and as you can guess by the amount of work he can accomplish whenever he puts his mind to it (which is always), attention deficit is NOT part of his learning issues. Very few adolescents can focus and multi-task the way my son can!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Self Awareness
Of the six “attributes for success” that I mentioned yesterday, I think the most difficult for my son (and others like him with social communications disabilities) to master is self-awareness. So much so, that he is probably not even aware that it might be a struggle for him.
Those who must deal with a nonverbal learning disorder or autism spectrum disorder frequently have a lack of attentiveness to personal hygiene – a smudge of chocolate or toothpaste left on the face, shoes loosely tied or untied, shirt, half-in and half-out and maybe showing signs of a recent snack. So they must develop a self-awareness of their own physicality, their overall appearance.
Self-awareness, or lack thereof, can also be seen in conversations. Sometimes people with social communication deficits are less able to modulate their volume, speaking too loudly or (as is usually the case with my son) not loudly enough; sometimes speaking too quickly or not clearly enough.
In order to achieve success (socially, in a job, in LIFE), there also must be an awareness of oneself as a part of a social group: How close to stand, how to be part of a conversation – contributing to a dialog without commandeering it, making eye-contact, but not staring. Social awareness, even mastered for one situation, must usually be adapted for another situation. The social group is constantly changing. Fitting in and interacting in a class will demand a different self-awareness and self, than a conversation over dinner in the cafeteria. Walking to class with one or two other students will, again, require different skills than sitting in the dorm lobby with a crowd of other resident students. A sense of self-awareness will guide us on what to say, when to say it and – above all – how to become a part of the social group.
If that sense must be learned rather than being intuitive, you can see how much harder it will be to achieve success.
Those who must deal with a nonverbal learning disorder or autism spectrum disorder frequently have a lack of attentiveness to personal hygiene – a smudge of chocolate or toothpaste left on the face, shoes loosely tied or untied, shirt, half-in and half-out and maybe showing signs of a recent snack. So they must develop a self-awareness of their own physicality, their overall appearance.
Self-awareness, or lack thereof, can also be seen in conversations. Sometimes people with social communication deficits are less able to modulate their volume, speaking too loudly or (as is usually the case with my son) not loudly enough; sometimes speaking too quickly or not clearly enough.
In order to achieve success (socially, in a job, in LIFE), there also must be an awareness of oneself as a part of a social group: How close to stand, how to be part of a conversation – contributing to a dialog without commandeering it, making eye-contact, but not staring. Social awareness, even mastered for one situation, must usually be adapted for another situation. The social group is constantly changing. Fitting in and interacting in a class will demand a different self-awareness and self, than a conversation over dinner in the cafeteria. Walking to class with one or two other students will, again, require different skills than sitting in the dorm lobby with a crowd of other resident students. A sense of self-awareness will guide us on what to say, when to say it and – above all – how to become a part of the social group.
If that sense must be learned rather than being intuitive, you can see how much harder it will be to achieve success.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Tell Us How You REALLY Feel!
Recently an email thread came along asking about certain colleges and how accommodating and inclusive they are, especially regarding potential students with disabilities on the autism spectrum or other social communications disorders. With the name deleted, here is my response:
I do not have experience with any of those schools, but my son (NLD) is currently a freshman at [Anonymous College] and their disabilities office and faculty leave a lot to be desired. At this point, we are hoping he will treat [Anonymous] like a junior college experience and transfer after his sophomore year (despite the difficulty that transitions can mean). I wish I had done a LOT more questioning of disabilities services before he decided on a school. In fact, he chose [Anonymous] only for their theater program and was "encouraged out" midway through his first semester. TERRIBLE
Bottom line is -- keep grilling them and know what support your son will have access to!!!
Good luck!
Was I too harsh?
I do not have experience with any of those schools, but my son (NLD) is currently a freshman at [Anonymous College] and their disabilities office and faculty leave a lot to be desired. At this point, we are hoping he will treat [Anonymous] like a junior college experience and transfer after his sophomore year (despite the difficulty that transitions can mean). I wish I had done a LOT more questioning of disabilities services before he decided on a school. In fact, he chose [Anonymous] only for their theater program and was "encouraged out" midway through his first semester. TERRIBLE
Bottom line is -- keep grilling them and know what support your son will have access to!!!
Good luck!
Was I too harsh?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Birthday Weekend
Our daughter turned 13 last week and for the next six months we will be parents to TWO teenagers. Interesting times.
I bought a book for my son through Michelle Garcia Winner’s website – Socially Curious and Curiously Social. She wrote it (with Pamela Crooke) as a guide to social thinking for adolescents and young adults. When the book arrived, I flipped through it quickly; the reviews were good and it seemed thoughtfully targeted to reach its intended audience.
I remember the day of my son’s graduation last June when a few friends stopped by; He remained on the periphery of the conversation, content to let the adults interact with his peers. When I gave him this book, I told him I was thinking of how hard it seemed for him on that particular day. Not that he struggles with peer interaction ever day; he clearly manages well at school, especially with the other Frisbee teammates.
I asked him to at least read the introduction, and if it rings true and sounds familiar, he might read further. A bit to my surprise, he was very open to doing that and said he’d take the book back to school with him.
Hopefully, when I get home from work tonight I won’t find it on his bed…
I bought a book for my son through Michelle Garcia Winner’s website – Socially Curious and Curiously Social. She wrote it (with Pamela Crooke) as a guide to social thinking for adolescents and young adults. When the book arrived, I flipped through it quickly; the reviews were good and it seemed thoughtfully targeted to reach its intended audience.
I remember the day of my son’s graduation last June when a few friends stopped by; He remained on the periphery of the conversation, content to let the adults interact with his peers. When I gave him this book, I told him I was thinking of how hard it seemed for him on that particular day. Not that he struggles with peer interaction ever day; he clearly manages well at school, especially with the other Frisbee teammates.
I asked him to at least read the introduction, and if it rings true and sounds familiar, he might read further. A bit to my surprise, he was very open to doing that and said he’d take the book back to school with him.
Hopefully, when I get home from work tonight I won’t find it on his bed…
Monday, April 12, 2010
Social Thinking
In my recent Internet travels, I came across a link to Michelle Garcia Winner’s Social Thinking website (https://www.socialthinking.com). Dr. Garcia Winner has long worked with children, adolescents and adults with social communication issues and is the author of several books and other published resources. Her website and the information it provides stress the idea that “Social thinking is required prior to the development of social skills.” Social thinking refers to the ability to take an active part in a dialog, after a quick, nearly instantaneous consideration of “the points of view, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, prior knowledge and intentions of others.”
While this is ingrained for neuro-typical people, it is far from intuitive for people with social communication disorders. My son is not great at contributing to a conversation with peers, but he has gotten better at listening and determining an appropriate comment. However, I believe that he would still need coaching in order to walk into an establishment, ask if they might be hiring and fill out a job application.
I was hoping that coaching might come from the Best Buddies organization. Not surprisingly, they are swamped with requests. However, his contact there sent my son information about a summer camp that might be hiring. The camp is aimed toward helping children with learning and/or intellectual disabilities become more self confident, through drama and play. I suggested that he had nothing to lose by completing and mailing the application. He has the advantage of being a young adult who has coped with similar challenges, and he has a lot of experience working on theater productions, both onstage and backstage.
Short of this camp, there are a lot of establishments in our community that might be taking applications for summer employment. I think with a little direction, he can land something. And Plan B – if he does not get a job, he’ll have more time to concentrate on getting his drivers license!
While this is ingrained for neuro-typical people, it is far from intuitive for people with social communication disorders. My son is not great at contributing to a conversation with peers, but he has gotten better at listening and determining an appropriate comment. However, I believe that he would still need coaching in order to walk into an establishment, ask if they might be hiring and fill out a job application.
I was hoping that coaching might come from the Best Buddies organization. Not surprisingly, they are swamped with requests. However, his contact there sent my son information about a summer camp that might be hiring. The camp is aimed toward helping children with learning and/or intellectual disabilities become more self confident, through drama and play. I suggested that he had nothing to lose by completing and mailing the application. He has the advantage of being a young adult who has coped with similar challenges, and he has a lot of experience working on theater productions, both onstage and backstage.
Short of this camp, there are a lot of establishments in our community that might be taking applications for summer employment. I think with a little direction, he can land something. And Plan B – if he does not get a job, he’ll have more time to concentrate on getting his drivers license!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
April is Autism Awareness Month
Just a few titles in the news today:
Not My Boy!: A Father, a Son, and One Family’s Journey with Autism
(former NFL player Rodney Peete)
My Brother Charlie (actress Holly Robinson Peete with Ryan Elizabeth Peete)
The Best Kind of Different: Our Family’s Journey with Asperger’s Syndrome
(former MLB pitcher Curt Shilling and Shonda Shilling)
The Autism Mom’s Survival Guide
(Susan Senator)
"Temple Grandin"
(documentary currently airing on HBO)
"Sing SOS: Song of the Spectrum"
(CD benefit compilation, various artists; expected release date 4/6/2010. See website- www.singsos.org)
Not My Boy!: A Father, a Son, and One Family’s Journey with Autism
(former NFL player Rodney Peete)
My Brother Charlie (actress Holly Robinson Peete with Ryan Elizabeth Peete)
The Best Kind of Different: Our Family’s Journey with Asperger’s Syndrome
(former MLB pitcher Curt Shilling and Shonda Shilling)
The Autism Mom’s Survival Guide
(Susan Senator)
"Temple Grandin"
(documentary currently airing on HBO)
"Sing SOS: Song of the Spectrum"
(CD benefit compilation, various artists; expected release date 4/6/2010. See website- www.singsos.org)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Why Do I Struggle With This?
My stated goal in writing this blog was and remains to help my son (and others like him) succeed as best he can. I know there is little he cannot accomplish – I have seen him overcome obstacle after obstacle for 19 years.
But I am still not sure how much of this he wants to hear or how much he might choose to use as a strategy or even how much using any of these suggestions would benefit him.
Case in point: I received an email invitation to a workshop on “Using Social Skills in the Workplace.” With summer approaching and my son hoping to land a paying job, he might appreciate some strategies on navigating a work environment. In fact, I was recently lamenting over how frequently I (neuro-typical!) manage to put my foot in my mouth with a communication blunder at work.
I forwarded this invitation to my son, with a note saying, “Do you think you might be interested in this?” The workshop is geared toward people with Asperger's Syndrome or other nonverbal learning disability. The more I learn about AS, the more I see that my son's NLD leaves him much less prone to anxiety than people with AS or other autism spectrum disorders (if you've met one...you've met one..."). So I half expect him to take offense at some of the suggestions I make.
It’s such a fine line between telling a 19-year-old that they need this type of help – especially when the 19-year-old might not agree – and suggesting that they might benefit.
But I am still not sure how much of this he wants to hear or how much he might choose to use as a strategy or even how much using any of these suggestions would benefit him.
Case in point: I received an email invitation to a workshop on “Using Social Skills in the Workplace.” With summer approaching and my son hoping to land a paying job, he might appreciate some strategies on navigating a work environment. In fact, I was recently lamenting over how frequently I (neuro-typical!) manage to put my foot in my mouth with a communication blunder at work.
I forwarded this invitation to my son, with a note saying, “Do you think you might be interested in this?” The workshop is geared toward people with Asperger's Syndrome or other nonverbal learning disability. The more I learn about AS, the more I see that my son's NLD leaves him much less prone to anxiety than people with AS or other autism spectrum disorders (if you've met one...you've met one..."). So I half expect him to take offense at some of the suggestions I make.
It’s such a fine line between telling a 19-year-old that they need this type of help – especially when the 19-year-old might not agree – and suggesting that they might benefit.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Ultimate Weekend
My son called fairly late on Friday evening to let us know that his Ultimate Frisbee team had been invited to play in a tournament at another school on both Saturday and Sunday of this past weekend. This would mean driving an hour or so each way and each day to the other campus, and the drivers would be other members of the team with cars.
I was very excited for my son to be playing, but hadn’t he told me that a Saturday practice was canceled a few weeks ago because some of the kids on the team had been partying on Friday night?
Well, they played four games on Saturday (winning one); they played four games (I think) again on Sunday (winning two). Both days the team made it safely to and from campus. My son had a great time and was exhausted by last night. I never heard once how boring it was on campus on the weekends.
I do admit that I was worried – I think I covered it pretty well.
I was very excited for my son to be playing, but hadn’t he told me that a Saturday practice was canceled a few weeks ago because some of the kids on the team had been partying on Friday night?
Well, they played four games on Saturday (winning one); they played four games (I think) again on Sunday (winning two). Both days the team made it safely to and from campus. My son had a great time and was exhausted by last night. I never heard once how boring it was on campus on the weekends.
I do admit that I was worried – I think I covered it pretty well.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Advice From What is Quickly Becoming My Most Important Source
I have looked back with regret more than a few times since my son started college, and voiced that regret in this space. In particular, I wish we had done more research on disability services for each of the colleges to which my son had applied.
Today on the AANE website, I found a summary of a college survey that the organization conducted in 2008. Here are a few of the tidbits from the survey summary:
1. “If there is any single fundamental factor that determines whether a student’s experience will be negative or positive, it is the willingness of the college’s disability office to take proactive action.”
2. “If possible, get someone on campus to interact with your child regularly: it is essential that someone (advisors, disability office, academic support services, etc) take a proactive approach towards the student.”
On the first point, I would advise young adults with social communications issues (and their parents) to try and meet – or at least speak with – someone in Disability Services in advance. It would have been much easier (in my 20/20 hindsight) to keep my son on track with his academic choices had we done more research prior to enrolling, and explained his nonverbal learning disability and potential problems that might arise because of it (even though there is no anticipating exactly what those problems might be).
On the second point, even now I feel that my son does not have such a person at the college that he can turn to. His current academic advisor is from the Theater department, and he has yet to connect with anyone in Communications. Each time he went to the Director of Disabilities, there was a two week wait for an appointment – not exactly conducive to “interact[ing] with your child regularly.”
I believe my son will successfully complete his first year; and I hope that he can establish a “lifeline” contact, academic advisor or other staff member, early in his second year. Nonetheless, there are so many things that could make the transition easier; and these are just two.
Today on the AANE website, I found a summary of a college survey that the organization conducted in 2008. Here are a few of the tidbits from the survey summary:
1. “If there is any single fundamental factor that determines whether a student’s experience will be negative or positive, it is the willingness of the college’s disability office to take proactive action.”
2. “If possible, get someone on campus to interact with your child regularly: it is essential that someone (advisors, disability office, academic support services, etc) take a proactive approach towards the student.”
On the first point, I would advise young adults with social communications issues (and their parents) to try and meet – or at least speak with – someone in Disability Services in advance. It would have been much easier (in my 20/20 hindsight) to keep my son on track with his academic choices had we done more research prior to enrolling, and explained his nonverbal learning disability and potential problems that might arise because of it (even though there is no anticipating exactly what those problems might be).
On the second point, even now I feel that my son does not have such a person at the college that he can turn to. His current academic advisor is from the Theater department, and he has yet to connect with anyone in Communications. Each time he went to the Director of Disabilities, there was a two week wait for an appointment – not exactly conducive to “interact[ing] with your child regularly.”
I believe my son will successfully complete his first year; and I hope that he can establish a “lifeline” contact, academic advisor or other staff member, early in his second year. Nonetheless, there are so many things that could make the transition easier; and these are just two.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Lessons from Middlesex Community College
Korinne Hertz, a Disability Support Specialist at Middlesex Community College, wrote an article for the AANE website (and newsletter?) describing a program she designed for “Orienting Incoming College Students with Asperger Syndrome.”
Having noted that students with AS entering MCC seem to struggle, particularly during the huge transition of first semester, she researched their specific needs. Based on her findings, Ms. Hertz designed a freshman orientation program that would serve that population. Below (quoted directly from the article) are a few of the issues addressed during the sessions.
• Explicit teaching of the vocabulary of college, e.g., what does “three credits” vs. “four credits” mean? What are the differences between lecture, hybrid, and online courses? What does it mean to add/drop a course vs. withdrawing from a course?
• Initial explanation of some common unwritten rules of the MCC campus, e.g.: how to access adjunct faculty vs. how to access full time faculty; where do students go when they have down-time between classes; room numbers that start with a “2” are generally on the second floor, etc.
• A campus tour including looking inside a classroom in each academic building.
• Several guest speakers, e.g., someone from the student activities office discussing how to get involved.
Ms. Hertz’s goal was to see the program adopted by other colleges. I would add students with other mild forms of autism or social communications issues and students with nonverbal learning disorder to the intended audience. Although I am not familiar with how such a program could be introduced to a broader college base, I believe strongly that there is a critical need for such a targeted program at every college.
Having noted that students with AS entering MCC seem to struggle, particularly during the huge transition of first semester, she researched their specific needs. Based on her findings, Ms. Hertz designed a freshman orientation program that would serve that population. Below (quoted directly from the article) are a few of the issues addressed during the sessions.
• Explicit teaching of the vocabulary of college, e.g., what does “three credits” vs. “four credits” mean? What are the differences between lecture, hybrid, and online courses? What does it mean to add/drop a course vs. withdrawing from a course?
• Initial explanation of some common unwritten rules of the MCC campus, e.g.: how to access adjunct faculty vs. how to access full time faculty; where do students go when they have down-time between classes; room numbers that start with a “2” are generally on the second floor, etc.
• A campus tour including looking inside a classroom in each academic building.
• Several guest speakers, e.g., someone from the student activities office discussing how to get involved.
Ms. Hertz’s goal was to see the program adopted by other colleges. I would add students with other mild forms of autism or social communications issues and students with nonverbal learning disorder to the intended audience. Although I am not familiar with how such a program could be introduced to a broader college base, I believe strongly that there is a critical need for such a targeted program at every college.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Positive Meeting With Faculty Advisor
I am happy to say that my son requested a meeting with his advisor by email yesterday and she got back to him promptly. They met this morning and went through fall course selections (including two communications courses) and also discussed a potential minor in theater. She suggested that he meet with the head of the Theater Department to get further details on requirements.
Senior registration is scheduled for April 5th, which is also when students with disabilities should be able to access the online registration system. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything transpires as it should!
Senior registration is scheduled for April 5th, which is also when students with disabilities should be able to access the online registration system. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything transpires as it should!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Let Sleeping dogs Lie
Some parents of young adults with NLD, AS or other social communications issues have expressed concern regarding their child’s sleep habits. Many stay up very late – playing video games, chatting on Facebook, watching TV – and sleep away the daylight hours. I was surprised by threads of emails discussing what medications, or alternative therapies, everyone found helpful.
One day earlier this week, my son slept until past noon, having been up fairly late (doing I have no clue what) the night before. I’m not sure he’s ever done that before. Now I find myself wondering if this is my son hitting a normal adolescent milestone, or is it a problem in the making.
When I was his age and slept in on a non-school day, my mother would simply say “you must have needed the sleep.” She was a great one for cutting me slack when all my friends’ mothers were harassing them out of bed. So, for the time being, I’ll let him sleep!
One day earlier this week, my son slept until past noon, having been up fairly late (doing I have no clue what) the night before. I’m not sure he’s ever done that before. Now I find myself wondering if this is my son hitting a normal adolescent milestone, or is it a problem in the making.
When I was his age and slept in on a non-school day, my mother would simply say “you must have needed the sleep.” She was a great one for cutting me slack when all my friends’ mothers were harassing them out of bed. So, for the time being, I’ll let him sleep!
Friday, March 5, 2010
Expect a Boring Weekend
My son comes home most weekends because, in his words, he’d rather be bored at home than at school. Because spring break starts next week, he has decided to stay at school this weekend. There is a show at the theater that he intends to see. He’ll probably have Frisbee practice tomorrow (assuming all the players are feeling well enough to play after an exciting Friday night). He must have some homework or studying he can do. And that’s about it for weekend excitement.
I’m thinking we will be more bored at home!
I’m thinking we will be more bored at home!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
It's Like Starting Over
Later today my son and husband are meeting with the director of the Office for Students with Disabilities. The purpose of the meeting is two-fold: The first is to discuss the grade that my son received from the professor who could not figure out how to accommodate his disability for the sewing assignment (although she came up with a solution for the building segment of the class). The second and probably more important goal is to develop a plan going forward.
After his most recent evaluation, the recommendations included academic support, extended testing time, use of a computer for as much work as possible, and wait time, to allow him to formulate his answers before an oral response. I believe that just letting his professors know that there is a disability takes some of the pressure off my son. One of the hallmarks of NLD (and AS) is difficulty with pragmatic language; and there is little more pragmatic that informing your teachers of a learning disability. So it’s really a catch-22: you need to communicate your disability to your professors, but your disability is difficulty communicating.
I’m not sure exactly how all this will play out, but I see it as a fresh start for my son. If the director gives him some kind of letter for his teachers, my son can decide when and whether he needs it as an explanation and appeal for help. I can imagine certain circumstances where he might need some support, possibly in initiating group work or some kind of presentation that might requires artistic work (a poster or graph).
The OSD has a “carrot” for encouraging students who might need support to actually seek it. They can register for classes before the broad student body. Having gotten shut out of the Composition course he wanted and shunted into an 8 AM section, I’m pretty sure my son would love never having to take an early class again!
After his most recent evaluation, the recommendations included academic support, extended testing time, use of a computer for as much work as possible, and wait time, to allow him to formulate his answers before an oral response. I believe that just letting his professors know that there is a disability takes some of the pressure off my son. One of the hallmarks of NLD (and AS) is difficulty with pragmatic language; and there is little more pragmatic that informing your teachers of a learning disability. So it’s really a catch-22: you need to communicate your disability to your professors, but your disability is difficulty communicating.
I’m not sure exactly how all this will play out, but I see it as a fresh start for my son. If the director gives him some kind of letter for his teachers, my son can decide when and whether he needs it as an explanation and appeal for help. I can imagine certain circumstances where he might need some support, possibly in initiating group work or some kind of presentation that might requires artistic work (a poster or graph).
The OSD has a “carrot” for encouraging students who might need support to actually seek it. They can register for classes before the broad student body. Having gotten shut out of the Composition course he wanted and shunted into an 8 AM section, I’m pretty sure my son would love never having to take an early class again!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Eye Opening Look in the Eye
John Elder Robison’s book, Look Me in the Eye, my life with Asperger’s has a chapter entitled “Logic vs. Small Talk.”
It’s an amusing and enlightening discussion of some of the problems that arise from the inability to read non-verbal cues, body language and tone of voice. Mr. Robison says that his conversational skills were learned over his lifetime, and he admits that his “inventory… is limited.” He closes the chapter with the fervent wish that people would recognize his difficulty with social language as a disability because, he says, he has been labeled an “arrogant jerk” for saying something incongruous. He “looks forward to the day when [his] handicap will afford [him] the same respect accorded to a guy in a wheelchair.” And he wouldn’t mind the “preferred parking” that could go with it!
Read the book.
It’s an amusing and enlightening discussion of some of the problems that arise from the inability to read non-verbal cues, body language and tone of voice. Mr. Robison says that his conversational skills were learned over his lifetime, and he admits that his “inventory… is limited.” He closes the chapter with the fervent wish that people would recognize his difficulty with social language as a disability because, he says, he has been labeled an “arrogant jerk” for saying something incongruous. He “looks forward to the day when [his] handicap will afford [him] the same respect accorded to a guy in a wheelchair.” And he wouldn’t mind the “preferred parking” that could go with it!
Read the book.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Outside of the Textbooks
More than one website that I browse frequently picked up on this article (“What They Should Have Taught You in School – Professional skills you wish you had learned”) that was recently posted on MSN’s careerbuilder.com. The URL follows:
http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-2163-Workplace-Issues-What-They-Should-Have-Taught-You-in-School/?cbsid=e73522f29800438c88aa8cb95aa37613-320319343-w0-6&sc_extcmp=JS_2163_home1&cbRecursionCnt=2&SiteId=cbmsnhp42163&ArticleID=2163>1=23000
The article highlights four main areas: communications skills, personal development, interacting with others and “all things boss-related.” Within each area, there are a handful of particular examples that require some level of competence in order to succeed in the work world (e.g., making small talk, listening skills, time management, participating in meetings, etc.)
It would be wonderful – and convenient – if there were a book to teach these things, but most of these particular skills seem to be acquired only with the passage of time. I am sure it’s harder for people with social communications disabilities to master them. But I am (supposedly) neuro-typical, and I still struggle with small talk, public speaking and interacting with others (especially anyone in a position of greater authority). At my advanced age, I frequently blurt out words that are not well considered beforehand.
In fact, my son might have an advantage; when he is unsure of an appropriate response, he is likely just to keep his mouth shut.
http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-2163-Workplace-Issues-What-They-Should-Have-Taught-You-in-School/?cbsid=e73522f29800438c88aa8cb95aa37613-320319343-w0-6&sc_extcmp=JS_2163_home1&cbRecursionCnt=2&SiteId=cbmsnhp42163&ArticleID=2163>1=23000
The article highlights four main areas: communications skills, personal development, interacting with others and “all things boss-related.” Within each area, there are a handful of particular examples that require some level of competence in order to succeed in the work world (e.g., making small talk, listening skills, time management, participating in meetings, etc.)
It would be wonderful – and convenient – if there were a book to teach these things, but most of these particular skills seem to be acquired only with the passage of time. I am sure it’s harder for people with social communications disabilities to master them. But I am (supposedly) neuro-typical, and I still struggle with small talk, public speaking and interacting with others (especially anyone in a position of greater authority). At my advanced age, I frequently blurt out words that are not well considered beforehand.
In fact, my son might have an advantage; when he is unsure of an appropriate response, he is likely just to keep his mouth shut.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Fostering (Unwanted?) Independence
As our children reach various ages and stages in their lives, they cross a border to independence that is like a ripple in the water. Each point brings them farther away from their core family. My daughter, nearly 13 years old and in 7th grade, walks alone or with friends to and from school, walks home from nearby friends’ houses by herself after dark, goes out for pizza or a soda with friends. On a sunny weekend, she might leave the house in the morning and not come home until dinner time. She can check in by cell phone, but that does not change the fact that she is considerably less supervised than she was only a year ago.
What we take for granted will be experienced by our neuro-typical children, must be viewed in another light for children with social communications issues. Because my son has always been a self-proclaimed “city kid,” I was not surprised that he took to public transportation so readily. Moreover, his weeks in rehabilitation after his illness when he was in eighth grade prepared him to take those steps outside on his own. But an AS or NLD teenager going “walkabout” on a weekend afternoon is not the same as a young AS or NLD adult preparing to live fully independently. The ripple is much farther away and there is a fear factor that must sometimes be overcome.
For the past few days, I have been on the sidelines of a passionate (electronic) dialog among parents of young adults with autism/Asperger’s Syndrome. Like I do, they encourage their children to step outside the box, sometimes literally, and to nurture their own independence. The issue was raised time and again that, in many cases, the child was not ready to do that. The fear is that the more independence they demonstrate, the more that will be expected of them; and they remain uncertain of their competence to succeed on their own.
So as we foster independence, it must be with the primary goal of fostering self-confidence. At every opportunity, I hope the adults in my son’s life – whether, teachers, other professionals or family – continue to remind him of all he has achieved and all that he still has it within himself to achieve in the future.
What we take for granted will be experienced by our neuro-typical children, must be viewed in another light for children with social communications issues. Because my son has always been a self-proclaimed “city kid,” I was not surprised that he took to public transportation so readily. Moreover, his weeks in rehabilitation after his illness when he was in eighth grade prepared him to take those steps outside on his own. But an AS or NLD teenager going “walkabout” on a weekend afternoon is not the same as a young AS or NLD adult preparing to live fully independently. The ripple is much farther away and there is a fear factor that must sometimes be overcome.
For the past few days, I have been on the sidelines of a passionate (electronic) dialog among parents of young adults with autism/Asperger’s Syndrome. Like I do, they encourage their children to step outside the box, sometimes literally, and to nurture their own independence. The issue was raised time and again that, in many cases, the child was not ready to do that. The fear is that the more independence they demonstrate, the more that will be expected of them; and they remain uncertain of their competence to succeed on their own.
So as we foster independence, it must be with the primary goal of fostering self-confidence. At every opportunity, I hope the adults in my son’s life – whether, teachers, other professionals or family – continue to remind him of all he has achieved and all that he still has it within himself to achieve in the future.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)