Summer has consisted of increasingly successful driving lessons and late nights. Last Friday after Frisbee, my son texted that he was going out for ice cream with some of the players. Little things mean a lot.
He is not without his stress though. He is anxious for school to start in the fall for the (not so) simple reason that he feels that there are so many loose threads in that part of his life. He is overflowing with “What ifs.”
What if I don’t like the communications course?
What if I like them but they won’t let me change majors?
What if I don’t like the major?
What if I don’t make the Ultimate Frisbee team?
What if I don’t get along with my new roommate?
What if I can’t decide what I want to do with my life after college?
All I can do is remind him how well he managed in his first year and how much he has achieved over the past twelve months. I am hesitant to hang too much emphasis on his social activities this summer – which is apparently no big deal to my son!
There is more to the final question than would appear at first blush. The fact that he was not able to get a paying job weighs heavily on him. He was very disappointed that the connection to the Best Buddies organization proved to be fruitless when they were overwhelmed with requests from clients with more debilitating problems. On the one hand, it’s encouraging that my son is much better equipped to succeed on his own; on the other, his Nonverbal Learning Disability is a real impediment to learning those basic “how do I apply for a job’ skills, even before the “how do I get and hold a job” skills.
At the end of the summer, he will meet with a social services provider and we hope that this connection will address some of those concerns.
In the meantime, he drives…he goes out…he conquers!
Showing posts with label employment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label employment. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Reality Check
Things continue to go well this summer. My son’s driving skills are improving; he joins a pick-up Ultimate Frisbee game two or three days (or nights) each week; he and his father go to the local YMCA to work out once or twice each week; he is involved with the small group of college guys with similar issues (although my son’s sense is that the other two men have different, and perhaps more debilitating, issues than he does); he sees his long-time therapist/friend once every week or so; he does his “walkabouts” daily.
But under all this progress is a learning disability that doesn’t go away. It shows itself subtly, though in a manner that impacts my son’s life in an anything-but subtle way.
In his efforts to find a job this summer, he filled out several applications online. The most recent one was for a drug-store chain where we had seen a “help wanted” sign posted at the outlet in our neighborhood. After he completed the standard identification and background sections, there was a series of multiple choice questions to be completed. Once during this part of the process, he said to me “I hate these questions when they don’t have a ‘middle-of-the-road’ answer.” There were four response choices, so – whatever the question – the answer was pretty much a definite or weak ‘yes’, or a definite or weak ‘no.’ I didn’t look at the questions, just told him to answer as best he could and not to worry about it.
WRONG! Live and learn.
He decided to go into the store last night and find out about the status of his application. After checking, the manager told him that the questions at the end of the application are designed to measure how a candidate would deal with stress in customer service situations. There was a certain minimum score that had to be achieved to merit bringing in the applicant for an interview, and my son’s score was below that minimum. He could reapply after ninety days.
Now here is the dilemma: was it better that my son answered the questions honestly and effectively avoided a job that might have exposed him to a stress level that he could not handle? Or would he have been better off if I had looked over his shoulder and coached him on some of the answers, giving him the reassurance that – at least on paper – he’d react differently than perhaps his gut was telling him?
As we walked home from the store, he seemed to be okay with what the manager had told him (but I’m really not sure he was, and I’m glad he is seeing his “talk doctor” today). I asked him if he felt better knowing why he didn’t get called, or would it have been better just not to have heard from the store; he said he thought it was better to know one way or the other. Then I told him that, knowing in hindsight that the questions were designed to figure out how he might cope in a stressful situation, it might have been better to take a more confident position on some of the answers, even if he wasn’t being completely true to himself. However, I had to add that maybe it was for the best that he was honest. He knows what he is capable of. In the event of a misstep on the job, it is frequently difficult for anyone to tolerate criticism or correction by a manager. He will eventually experience on-the-job criticism, but perhaps today that's something he's not ready to manage.
In his first year at college, it seems to me that he was certainly criticized more than complimented (he might not agree), and I’m not sure what that has done to his self-confidence. I do think further coaching and development might be warranted to ensure a successful first job experience.
But under all this progress is a learning disability that doesn’t go away. It shows itself subtly, though in a manner that impacts my son’s life in an anything-but subtle way.
In his efforts to find a job this summer, he filled out several applications online. The most recent one was for a drug-store chain where we had seen a “help wanted” sign posted at the outlet in our neighborhood. After he completed the standard identification and background sections, there was a series of multiple choice questions to be completed. Once during this part of the process, he said to me “I hate these questions when they don’t have a ‘middle-of-the-road’ answer.” There were four response choices, so – whatever the question – the answer was pretty much a definite or weak ‘yes’, or a definite or weak ‘no.’ I didn’t look at the questions, just told him to answer as best he could and not to worry about it.
WRONG! Live and learn.
He decided to go into the store last night and find out about the status of his application. After checking, the manager told him that the questions at the end of the application are designed to measure how a candidate would deal with stress in customer service situations. There was a certain minimum score that had to be achieved to merit bringing in the applicant for an interview, and my son’s score was below that minimum. He could reapply after ninety days.
Now here is the dilemma: was it better that my son answered the questions honestly and effectively avoided a job that might have exposed him to a stress level that he could not handle? Or would he have been better off if I had looked over his shoulder and coached him on some of the answers, giving him the reassurance that – at least on paper – he’d react differently than perhaps his gut was telling him?
As we walked home from the store, he seemed to be okay with what the manager had told him (but I’m really not sure he was, and I’m glad he is seeing his “talk doctor” today). I asked him if he felt better knowing why he didn’t get called, or would it have been better just not to have heard from the store; he said he thought it was better to know one way or the other. Then I told him that, knowing in hindsight that the questions were designed to figure out how he might cope in a stressful situation, it might have been better to take a more confident position on some of the answers, even if he wasn’t being completely true to himself. However, I had to add that maybe it was for the best that he was honest. He knows what he is capable of. In the event of a misstep on the job, it is frequently difficult for anyone to tolerate criticism or correction by a manager. He will eventually experience on-the-job criticism, but perhaps today that's something he's not ready to manage.
In his first year at college, it seems to me that he was certainly criticized more than complimented (he might not agree), and I’m not sure what that has done to his self-confidence. I do think further coaching and development might be warranted to ensure a successful first job experience.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Why Do I Struggle With This?
My stated goal in writing this blog was and remains to help my son (and others like him) succeed as best he can. I know there is little he cannot accomplish – I have seen him overcome obstacle after obstacle for 19 years.
But I am still not sure how much of this he wants to hear or how much he might choose to use as a strategy or even how much using any of these suggestions would benefit him.
Case in point: I received an email invitation to a workshop on “Using Social Skills in the Workplace.” With summer approaching and my son hoping to land a paying job, he might appreciate some strategies on navigating a work environment. In fact, I was recently lamenting over how frequently I (neuro-typical!) manage to put my foot in my mouth with a communication blunder at work.
I forwarded this invitation to my son, with a note saying, “Do you think you might be interested in this?” The workshop is geared toward people with Asperger's Syndrome or other nonverbal learning disability. The more I learn about AS, the more I see that my son's NLD leaves him much less prone to anxiety than people with AS or other autism spectrum disorders (if you've met one...you've met one..."). So I half expect him to take offense at some of the suggestions I make.
It’s such a fine line between telling a 19-year-old that they need this type of help – especially when the 19-year-old might not agree – and suggesting that they might benefit.
But I am still not sure how much of this he wants to hear or how much he might choose to use as a strategy or even how much using any of these suggestions would benefit him.
Case in point: I received an email invitation to a workshop on “Using Social Skills in the Workplace.” With summer approaching and my son hoping to land a paying job, he might appreciate some strategies on navigating a work environment. In fact, I was recently lamenting over how frequently I (neuro-typical!) manage to put my foot in my mouth with a communication blunder at work.
I forwarded this invitation to my son, with a note saying, “Do you think you might be interested in this?” The workshop is geared toward people with Asperger's Syndrome or other nonverbal learning disability. The more I learn about AS, the more I see that my son's NLD leaves him much less prone to anxiety than people with AS or other autism spectrum disorders (if you've met one...you've met one..."). So I half expect him to take offense at some of the suggestions I make.
It’s such a fine line between telling a 19-year-old that they need this type of help – especially when the 19-year-old might not agree – and suggesting that they might benefit.
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