The Race

I’ve said this before, but he never ceases to amaze me with his determination and perseverance.

Today was the fund-raiser for Franciscans Hospital. My daughter and a friend from her team ran; I ran; and – a late entrant and a dark horse – my son ran. My son has been keeping in shape by taking long walks and playing Ultimate Frisbee. As we made our way to the start this morning, he told me he was “going to try and run the whole thing.” I reminded him (as if I needed to) that he had really not trained at all; he had (to my knowledge) never run a mile non-stop, much less 3.1…largely uphill. And, in your face Mom, thanks for being so encouraging.

So he took off in front of me and, even at my snail’s pace, I fully expected him to be waiting for me at the top of the first hill. Not there. Nor was he at the top of the second hill, about three quarters of a mile into the race. I caught up with my daughter and her friend, and they hadn’t seen him. I must have past him and not realized it.

As I crossed the finish line in 34 minutes (with the girls just behind me), there was my son greeting me. In fact, he had been waiting there for four minutes.

Our little group raised over $500.

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho...

A few months ago, my son’s aunt suggested he might like working in a not-for-profit institution, and he might want to consider using his Communications major to that end. Having a built-in connection to Franciscans Hospital for Children in Boston, my son contacted someone in the media and development department there, that he has been in touch with for the past few years. He offered his services for the summer as an intern and she agreed to an interview. She interviewed my son and he must have managed to favorably impress her!

Now home for the summer, he began working there last week. This is an unpaid internship and, for the time being, once a week. But think of the work experience he will be able to add to his resume and the good he will be doing for Franciscans. This is truly a win-win.

My son’s first task is to help with the campaign for a fundraiser the hospital is doing – a 5k run called the “New Balance Heartbreak Hill.”  New Balance because the company is the major sponsor of the race and a significant benefactor to the Hospital; Heartbreak Hill, because it is run on that particular part of the Boston Marathon route. My daughter and I ran it last year; she beat me by five minutes, or about a half mile, without training. Oh to be young.  I suggested this year that they run the race in the opposite direction, but the organizers didn’t bite! While my son promotes the race and volunteers on race day (my husband will as well), my daughter and I are running and hoping to raise funds; we’ve renamed our team to add “Banyana” to the title – this is an African term for Strong Women and the name of my daughter’s soccer team, who are offering their support.

Here is our link:

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=471219&supId=292165278

Click on or copy and paste the above into your browser to read about this fundraiser and to make a donation if interested.

I will let you know more about my son’s specific contributions as an intern in another post.

Nothing That a Few Late Nights Won't Cure

The past few weeks have been more than a little stressful for my son. He had what seemed like an impossible workload to be completed before the end of the term: papers, project, exams, etc. I felt terrible as I watched him try and deal with the amount of work, the bulk of which arose from a single course.

As I write this, he has completed all of the assignments that were due by last Friday, and is now focusing on final projects and exams. The difference in his attitude today compared to where he was only a few weeks back is remarkable. There was little anyone could have said or done at the time to make him believe that it would all get done. Once again, he has risen to the task.

He will be home for the summer early next week, and has a clear schedule laid out for the following three months or so. He will be doing an unpaid internship in the development department of the rehabilitation hospital that I have written about many times on these pages (more about that in another post); and he will be taking the few more driving lessons he needs to pass his road test and get his license. Admittedly, the whole driving thing still has me a little worried – but I promise not to be surprised when he succeeds at that too!

How I Spent My summer Vacation - Prologue

On a suggestion from one of his aunts, my son got in touch with a woman who works in the development office of the rehab hospital where he spent four weeks in early 2005. As a family, we have kept in touch with the administrators there and have been involved in some of their fund-raisers. My son is frequently invited by the hospital’s Development Office to take advantage of donated sports or theater tickets, or other opportunities (which he almost always gratefully accepts!).


The purpose of his call was to offer his services to the hospital for a summer internship. He has been developing his communications skills this year, working on the University’s student newspaper. He would like to learn more about not-for-profit organizations, perhaps using his writing to promote fund-raising events this summer. But he would be happy to help in any way he can.

After some back and forth by email, he had an interview a week or so ago, and it looks as though he will have his summer hours filled with helping out there – a good cause for him to put his effort behind while gaining some experience in the real work world. I don’t know how the interview actually went; he didn’t share much. I do know that he is excited to get this opportunity and looking forward to the summer.

Three weeks of school before he completes half of his college education. So far, so good.

Amazing

Not long from now, I expect my son will step up to the plate and manage his life. And he never ceases to amaze me by showing how he can do that when I least expect it.

Near the end of his freshman year, he tried to create a back-up of his computer files and got an error message that the drive could not read the disk. I tried a few months later and got the same error. We used a flash drive and I forgot about it.

Just a couple of weeks ago in one of those Eureka moments, I woke up thinking that the DVD drive (indeed the whole laptop) is covered for service for the four years he is at school, and I thought maybe the DVD drive is the problem.
 Of course, in the morning, the thought went nowhere and I forgot to even mention that to my son. Fast forward to just a week ago, and I happened to be spending a nice Sunday afternoon with him. He mentioned that the DVD drive on his laptop wouldn’t work (he has two movies to watch for his Shakespeare class). He told me he was going to the tech office the next day to drop it off. He brought it to them the following day, explained the problem and, without so much as an argument, they told him they would get a new drive for him. It was fixed by Thursday.

No prompting, no advice, no practicing, no intervening by Mom on his behalf. As I’ve written here before, he has his own schedule

Things Get in the Way

I am happy to say that shortly after my last post, I had back to back interviews for three jobs and accepted one. I started at my new company on January 3 and have not come up for air since. It's busy and demanding, but I like it very much.

My son is now more than half-way through his second year and I can’t tell you how happy I am to say that this has been a very good year all around. He continues to play Ultimate and I‘ve been to a couple of his tournaments. The team still occasionally socializes outside of practice (he recently hadn’t been in touch for a day or two and before I could call the police he called and happened to mention that he went bowling with some teammates the evening before.

His roommate and some of the crew that lived on the same floor as my son last year have been great at keeping him in the group even though he now lives on another floor – they all went downtown on Halloween (one of those occasions when my son was one of the few non-drinkers in the crowd!). All in all, a very successful term from a social standpoint.

Academically, it’s been even better. He is thriving as a Communications major and posted a 3.5 GPA in the fall semester. The spring semester seems to be a bit more difficult and he has had one short bad period, but he got through that and is back on track.

I know I won’t be as faithful as I was last year, but I would like to see this blog through on a more-or-less regular basis until he graduates. So, until next time…

Dennis Lehane on Writing

In conjunction with the release of his newest book, I heard Boston iconic writer, Dennis Lehane, speak this past week.  He said if you want to write, you should write; not talk about writing, or read about writing, or study how to write, or join groups of writers for support.

I just want to let my readers know (both of them!), that I am not stopping this blog. However, I need to put it on hiatus for some unquantifiable period for two reasons:

First, I am still in the hunt for a new job. Although I have been finding a lot of appropriate opportunities, this seems to be taking longer than I would have hoped!

Second (to tie the sabbatical to the focus of the blog), my son is more than halfway through his third semester in college, and he is doing exceptionally well. Many things have gone right for him: the Disabilities coordinator and he have found a rhythm of regular meetings and my son appreciates the support. He has successfully changed his major to Communications and also has a faculty adviser who actually is in that department. He celebrated Halloween with about fourteen other guys by going to the downtown area in costume. While my son was (probably) the only one who had not had any alcohol prior to going downtown, he was accepted by this group of students. I think this is due in no small part to his freshman roommate, who continues to make sure my son is included when guys from last year’s dorm floor get together.

So…more to follow when I am once again gainfully employed and back in my own rhythm.

Because That’s What College Kids DO!

Last weekend my son and his Frisbee team drove to the southern end of the state to participate in a tournament. I went down on Saturday to watch some of the competition and to drive my son home for the night, the alternative being that he would drive all the way back to the school, and return on Sunday for the second day of the tournament.

If I think back to my college days – and I only hung around with “neuro-typical” classmates (in fact, I can think of only one student in the four years I spent at college that may have had a high-functioning form of autism) – what we mostly did was drink. We drank frequently, and occasionally drank a lot. Worth noting is that the legal drinking age in my state at the time was 18.

So I was not surprised, I suppose, to see that several members of the team were sharing a cooler of beer during the tournament. I believe that at least some of them were 21 or older; perhaps not all. It was a beautiful warm fall Saturday and they were playing Frisbee. It could have been my own campus, so many years ago.

But what did surprise me a little was that they were drinking during a competition. I thought they might take it more seriously. I can’t imagine an athlete involved in any other intercollegiate sport having alcohol in the middle of a game. Truth be told, the team played best in the last game of the day!

I watched these goings-on from my chair in the shade, waiting to see how my son reacted, and how the team members that were drinking would interact with those who were not. There was absolutely no pressure put on anyone who was not interested to “just have one.” In fact, my son was laughing along with all of the others when the two teams played “Detonator” to determine first possession instead of flipping. I won’t describe this game – ask your own college-age son or daughter. Suffice it to say that it was funny to them – and I might have been hysterical at another time in my life. Last Saturday...not so much.

My son told me on the way home that the fellow he had driven down with was not drinking. Nonetheless, I was glad that he was driving home with me. I was also glad that he has little interest in "partying;" one less thing for me to worry about.

First Impressions

Today as part of my job search efforts, I attended a workshop on interviewing. One of the critical points the facilitator stressed was the importance of first impressions. In fact, he mentioned that it would not be a bad thing to arrive early for an interview, thereby allowing time to run to the restroom and make sure there are no signs of breakfast between your teeth or on your clothing.

If you’ve been following this blog, you can see where this is going – there has always been a good motive to the fact that I hound my son about a clean face and general self-awareness when it comes to manners, cleanliness and hygiene. I am almost ready to concede that he no longer needs my reminders.

Approaching 20 years old (next month), he is very good about using a napkin at meals, carrying tissues, etc. He doesn’t leave the house without washing his face, and I assume the same goes for leaving the dorm.

As has always been his “MO”, he arrived at an understanding of the value of making a good first impression in his own time; but arrive he did.

Little Things Mean a Lot

The day (earlier this month) that we spent several hundred dollars in the College Bookstore was a little hectic. We worked with a salesperson to find my son’s texts, but it turned out they picked up the wrong book for one of his classes. He only realized the mistake on the day after the last day to exchange books for a full refund. The bookstore sales people were not willing to take the book back. He called and let me know and I coached him on how to approach the sales people about the return and he marched back to try again. He texted me later: “No luck @ bookstore.”

I was able to talk to the manager and she very patiently explained their policy; I very patiently explained why this $117 book was an albatross. She compromised by offering a full credit for the price of the book, assuming it was in brand new condition. It was; and today my son called and let me know he had gotten the credit. I am thrilled that someone at the school was assuming their share of responsibility. [Being the parent of a young adult with NLD, I asked him to keep the refund someplace safe so he would not lose it! ]

In the meantime, my letter to the President of the school regarding the lack of professionalism from the Office of Disabilities generated an unexpected and unwanted response. Instead of calling my son, the director called me. I have been a little busy with my job hunt to return her call, but I find it very telling that she chose to call me. After all, I was aggravated by the cancellation, but not impacted by her thoughtlessness. I think it would have been more considerate of her to call my son to apologize for her mistake and offer an explanation to him of what might have happened (details not necessary); and perhaps offered to meet with him sooner than September 30 as a peace offering. Are my expectations too high for this school?

Sometimes You Just Have to Vent

After posting yesterday, I realized how distraught I was over the level of professionalism exhibited by the OSD at my son’s “university.” Before I could stop myself, my fingers had typed a letter to the president! Unfortunately, I do not hold high hopes that she will reply.

The more important thing is that – learning disability aside – my son has gotten off to a fairly smooth start in his second year. His new roommate, he says, is nice but pretty quiet. He likes his classes, especially the communications courses. He believes the Public Speaking course will be the most challenging; but I reminded him that if he has to deliver prepared speeches, he will do fine because of his acting experience. Ex temporaneous speaking is more difficult (partly because of the dysfluency, but I think speaking off the cuff in front of a group is a challenge for most people).

He is in a brand new, sophomore-only dormitory which is truly beautiful; the dorm has its own cafeteria and my son has informed me that the food is much better than it was last year. There are two resident faculty members who are there to organize academic support groups (I think they have other responsibilities but I am not quite sure what they are). He is involved once again with the Ultimate Frisbee Team. However, he has found the practices physically demanding and he is not sure that he will stick with it for the full year. I hope he does – as much for the inherent social connections that it provides him with as for the exercise. He has committed to staying on through the first tournament, which is on Saturday, the 18th.

Same Old, Same Old

My son’s State College was granted University status this past summer. This is something the president of the school has been campaigning hard for – kudos!!

But at this point, I have not seen anything in the demeanor of the professional staff that indicates that they are ready to step up to the challenge of “kicking it up a notch.”

I had asked my son to arrange an interview with the director of the disability office because last year he learned how hard it is to schedule time with her. He did so and she confirmed an appointment for September 2 at 3 PM. On his agenda, my son wanted to discuss finalizing the change in major; getting a departmental faculty advisor from Communications; get accommodations for the semester squared away; inform her of the fact that he has now hooked up with our State’s Rehabilitation Commission office in order for him to get additional support in future employment (more about that another day); and finally, how he might go about finding a job on campus. Although the last item does not fall within her purview, any tips she might have offered him on where to go or who to see would help.

Unfortunately, although the school may now be a “university” the Disabilities Office remains the same unprofessional bureau that it was last year. Not only did she not show up for his appointment, she did not notify him of the cancellation. When my son arrived, the only thing he could accomplish was getting the accommodation letter for his professors. He was told to reschedule and the soonest he would be able get in to meet with her would be September 30. Unbelievable.

Sorry - Major Distraction!

In keeping with the goal of this weblog, let me tell you once again that my son is really doing well this summer. He has renewed his driver’s permit, and I went out last Saturday with his instructor and my son really did well – I was suitably impressed! He played Frisbee a couple of times a week and went out afterward with the group once or twice. He met up with a friend from college who has been living nearby for the summer, and they tossed the disc and hung out for an afternoon.

He has now left with his sister to visit family on the Left Coast, and we well meet in the Midwest in a week and a half to visit with grandparents and other family members before we drive home.

The distraction of the title is the loss of my job, in this difficult employment market. We are moving forward with the planned vacation and I already have several irons in the fire that I will follow up on before my husband and I leave. I will remain tethered to the job search by my cell phone and the laptop we will be traveling with!

My son resumes classes on September 2, at which point I hope to be able to pick up the blog on a daily basis once again.

Rolling Along

Summer has consisted of increasingly successful driving lessons and late nights. Last Friday after Frisbee, my son texted that he was going out for ice cream with some of the players. Little things mean a lot.

He is not without his stress though. He is anxious for school to start in the fall for the (not so) simple reason that he feels that there are so many loose threads in that part of his life. He is overflowing with “What ifs.”

What if I don’t like the communications course?

What if I like them but they won’t let me change majors?

What if I don’t like the major?

What if I don’t make the Ultimate Frisbee team?

What if I don’t get along with my new roommate?

What if I can’t decide what I want to do with my life after college?

All I can do is remind him how well he managed in his first year and how much he has achieved over the past twelve months. I am hesitant to hang too much emphasis on his social activities this summer – which is apparently no big deal to my son!

There is more to the final question than would appear at first blush. The fact that he was not able to get a paying job weighs heavily on him. He was very disappointed that the connection to the Best Buddies organization proved to be fruitless when they were overwhelmed with requests from clients with more debilitating problems. On the one hand, it’s encouraging that my son is much better equipped to succeed on his own; on the other, his Nonverbal Learning Disability is a real impediment to learning those basic “how do I apply for a job’ skills, even before the “how do I get and hold a job” skills.

At the end of the summer, he will meet with a social services provider and we hope that this connection will address some of those concerns.

In the meantime, he drives…he goes out…he conquers!

Shedding Light on Why I Write (I'm a Poet!)

I began, and continue this blog as a means for my son and others with similar social communications problems to better understand some of the nuances of life in a social context.

The “why” of creating the goal is much more difficult to put in a public forum. This little blog is not only open to my son for reading, but I want him to read it; I want him to learn all the little things that are second nature to everyone else; I want him to know that he is smart and strong and loved and that there is no doubt in my mind that he will be happy and successful in life. Knowing he might (will?!) read this, how open and honest can I be in revealing my fears?

I fear, for example, that he will continue to struggle to make friends and cultivate relationships with peers, that he might not understand the unspoken guidelines regarding how to get and hold a job upon graduation from college, that this learning difference will hinder him from a having a fulfilling life.

I have written here about the email threads I receive through my membership in AANE, a local non-profit organization dedicated to providing resources for children and adults with Asperger’s syndrome or similar disabilities. Some I read and breathe a sigh of relief that my son does not have those particular problems, but many – especially those that touch on peer interaction – touch my heart as I see him struggling in a similar plight. Following are short edited excerpts from parents and AS/NLD young adults to illustrate these struggles.

Question: Just wondering if anyone's son has found a long term girlfriend?

Discouraging Responses:

My son… has not had a girlfriend. Not even a date. We tried E-Harmony but it didn’t work out so after the 3 months I discontinued. He is really depressed about not having a girlfriend.

My son is 20, and to date he has never had even a short-term girlfriend, to my knowledge.

… kind of depressing not having a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.

[I worry that] life is passing by.… it is especially frustrating because there is so much [to] enjoy…. afraid of becoming the weird middle-aged guy who lives alone and everyone avoids.

And Encouraging Responses:

Even my NT son is finding the same problem out there in the dating world. He's 6'3", blond, slim - doesn't smoke, doesn't drink and has many interests….He's such a nice guy and so nice looking.

Even "typical" people have trouble finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. I have lovely friends who didn't meet their "true love" until later in life

Our kids…need to build up their self confidence and competence in life. When they feel good about themselves, it will show and they will become more attractive to the opposite sex. We know it's a journey and probably a longer process for our kids. Self confidence is a big issue [as is] willingness to get out there and try something new. …encourage our kids to find things they like (or are willing) to do that involve other people. It doesn't matter if there's an attractive potential mate that the activity. Getting to know people can bring about introductions, and also build self confidence.

…have a friend who is about 55 of 56 who is NT and is just getting married for the first time this July. He is a very nice person, funny, loyal, good job, just an all around nice person but it took this long till he found "miss right" so I use that as my guide for my son when the right one comes it will happen.

On College and Peer Relationships:

He is desperate for social interaction…his train of thought is that his roommate at school would be his best friend...

…thinking of closing his Facebook account because ”what’s the point? No one ever writes on my wall or asks me to be friends.”

[The] opportunity for down time [living at] at home has been a really important contributing factor to [my] confidence and success at college.

[I’m] looking forward to finishing [community college]… so [I] can transfer to a live-in school. …loved college.

If you are reading this and you are neuro-typical, and your children are NT, I hope these short sentiments give you an idea of life on the other side of typical. This is why I write. My son told me fairly recently that there were times during high school that he felt “alone.” Given that he mentioned this while sharing that some of the fellows he had met in a group setting had been pretty horribly bullied, I am glad he did not go through that ordeal. But how much better is it to be ignored?

This summer my son has been out until relatively late several times and I am rejoicing. He has always hit developmental milestones at his own pace, and I hope that this is just another such instance.

Reality Check

Things continue to go well this summer. My son’s driving skills are improving; he joins a pick-up Ultimate Frisbee game two or three days (or nights) each week; he and his father go to the local YMCA to work out once or twice each week; he is involved with the small group of college guys with similar issues (although my son’s sense is that the other two men have different, and perhaps more debilitating, issues than he does); he sees his long-time therapist/friend once every week or so; he does his “walkabouts” daily.

But under all this progress is a learning disability that doesn’t go away. It shows itself subtly, though in a manner that impacts my son’s life in an anything-but subtle way.

In his efforts to find a job this summer, he filled out several applications online. The most recent one was for a drug-store chain where we had seen a “help wanted” sign posted at the outlet in our neighborhood. After he completed the standard identification and background sections, there was a series of multiple choice questions to be completed. Once during this part of the process, he said to me “I hate these questions when they don’t have a ‘middle-of-the-road’ answer.” There were four response choices, so – whatever the question – the answer was pretty much a definite or weak ‘yes’, or a definite or weak ‘no.’ I didn’t look at the questions, just told him to answer as best he could and not to worry about it.

WRONG! Live and learn.

He decided to go into the store last night and find out about the status of his application. After checking, the manager told him that the questions at the end of the application are designed to measure how a candidate would deal with stress in customer service situations. There was a certain minimum score that had to be achieved to merit bringing in the applicant for an interview, and my son’s score was below that minimum. He could reapply after ninety days.

Now here is the dilemma: was it better that my son answered the questions honestly and effectively avoided a job that might have exposed him to a stress level that he could not handle? Or would he have been better off if I had looked over his shoulder and coached him on some of the answers, giving him the reassurance that – at least on paper – he’d react differently than perhaps his gut was telling him?

As we walked home from the store, he seemed to be okay with what the manager had told him (but I’m really not sure he was, and I’m glad he is seeing his “talk doctor” today). I asked him if he felt better knowing why he didn’t get called, or would it have been better just not to have heard from the store; he said he thought it was better to know one way or the other. Then I told him that, knowing in hindsight that the questions were designed to figure out how he might cope in a stressful situation, it might have been better to take a more confident position on some of the answers, even if he wasn’t being completely true to himself. However, I had to add that maybe it was for the best that he was honest. He knows what he is capable of. In the event of a misstep on the job, it is frequently difficult for anyone to tolerate criticism or correction by a manager. He will eventually experience on-the-job criticism, but perhaps today that's something he's not ready to manage.

In his first year at college, it seems to me that he was certainly criticized more than complimented (he might not agree), and I’m not sure what that has done to his self-confidence. I do think further coaching and development might be warranted to ensure a successful first job experience.

Summer Routine

Our family is settling into a reasonably stable routine for the summer, and I am getting accustomed to the late nights of Ultimate Frisbee on the Common. The group meets on Wednesday and Friday evenings, and there is also a game on Sunday afternoons at another location. My husband and son try to get to the local Y to work out once or twice a week in between Frisbee (for my son) and tennis (for my husband). And my daughter is finishing up the school year, and doing a lot more “hanging out,” as she asserts her 13-year-old independence – to a point. All in all, not a bad life!

My son continues to improve his driving skills. Whereas the instructor has been picking him up and taking him to and from a quiet neighborhood for practice, this past Saturday my son drove the car back to our house.

He is also involved with a small group of fellows in college with similar disabilities. The group meets once a week, and after the first meeting they went out to lunch together. He seems to like it, but I’m not sure how committed my son is to sticking with this group. This week it conflicts with a driving lesson, so he won’t make the meeting.

Over the weekend, the four of us participated in a 5K fundraising run/walk for the benefit of Franciscans Hospital for Children, where my son spent several weeks in rehabilitation after his eighth grade illness. We exceeded our fundraising goal by a considerable amount; my daughter beat me by four minutes without even training; and my husband and son spent the time walking and talking – World Cup, basketball, school, books, movies…who knows what!

Harder Than We Thought

Driving will be much more of a challenge for my son than I had thought; and we’ve come to a point where he will have to decide how committed he is to getting his driver’s license. His permit expires in mid-July, and we’ve been able to schedule two lessons a week. At this point, he has about six hours behind the wheel on the road. Given that learning to drive is all about practice, he won’t be able to get enough practice in with this particular teacher prior to the permit expiration date.

I spoke to his instructor, and he told me my son is still a little nervous in any traffic and he thought it best not to push him too quickly. This particular instructor has a fairly busy schedule with several other clients this summer. We are considering picking up some additional instructional time with another school; however, it might be difficult to find another instructor so keyed into my son’s learning style.

In the meantime, my son, husband and I discussed the extent of my son’s determination to get his license. If he wants it, he will have to re-take the permit test in July. That will give him an additional two years to get as much practice as he needs to achieve competence and confidence. I would not have been surprised if he backed down, since we live in an area with easy access to reliable public transportation. However, he came to the same conclusion that my husband and I came to: he needs a driver’s license. It’s not only a convenience, but – depending on where one lives – could be a necessity.

So out comes the manual once more; the written test should not pose a problem. Armed with an additional two years to learn, he will be able to proceed and succeed at his own pace. No rush.

A New Experience (for ME!)

I have often used this space to lament the fact that my son has never really had anyone to just hang out with, especially at night.

Last Friday the whole family went to dinner in Chinatown, so that we could check out one of the Ultimate Frisbee pick-up games that my son found listed on the Web. We walked to the Common, and arrived about 15 minutes before the posted 8:30 start time. I took the bull by the horns, and asked a couple of Frisbee players if they were playing an organized game or a pick-up. Both people I asked said they were organized; but the leader of the second group invited my son to join them. The players comprised a youth group from a nearby church, and ranged in age from late middle school through high school. Once he joined in, my daughter and I wandered around and eventually came upon the pick-up group. They were getting ready to play under the lights of the softball field.

I walked back to where my son was now fully engaged in this friendly match, and let him know that the other group was just forming on the softball field. Since the youth group didn’t have the benefit of lights, I suspected they would be calling it quits soon.

Then, like a good mother of a young adult, I left him; and my daughter and I took the train home. By the time we got there, it was after 9. I explained to my husband (who had gone home a little earlier) that I left him playing with a group, and had given him the info about the pick-up game. But I wasn’t sure what he intended to do. He might have either stayed with the youth group, or come home after they stopped playing, or headed across the Common to the other game.

For the first time that I can remember, I was worried about my son – out alone at night. I reminded myself he was NOT alone but with peers, playing Ultimate Frisbee. Nonetheless, by 10 PM, I asked my husband if he thought I should call and see where he was. His answer was an unequivocal “no.” I managed to wait until 10:15 and then I sent him a text: “Pls check in when leaving.” I tried a few minutes later to entice him into responding by telling him the score of the Celtics game. He did not answer that either.

It was nearly 11 and I was just about to call him, when the phone rang. It was my son, letting us know that they just finished playing and he was on his way home. He walked in the door about forty minutes later with a scraped knee and a tired smile. As is often the case with my son, he saw the evening activities as nothing remarkable. I saw the night as another giant leap in his development.

I believe he’ll go back and play again. I hope they are nice kids. I hope if they go out after a game they will include him…but I hope they don't go to a bar. I hope he doesn’t get hurt, or lose his phone...or his wallet. Wow – is that what it feels like to be a parent of an adolescent growing up?

Moving Right Along

Things work out a certain way for a reason. He did not land any of the local retail positions for which he applied. However, my son was contacted last week by the person who schedules umpires, and he picked up two games already (one got rained out, but still…!). Even if he gets assigned to five or six more between now and when the youth baseball season ends, that would be enough spending money to get through the summer.

He has also reestablished his account at the local Y, and has gone to work out there a few times. Driving lessons continue as well. He has enough going on to keep him from getting bored.

All of his spring grades have been posted and once again, his grade point average was over the minimum requirement for the school’s Dean’s List.

As Robert Browning wrote, “God’s in His Heaven, All’s right with the World.”